Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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