i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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