this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
