so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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