i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
