wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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