I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I think my moral compass just broke
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
