I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So vagazzling was a success
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
