Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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