I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You dont lie about slip and slides
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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