i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
