You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
