if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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