2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We were destined to go to rehab together
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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