Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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