I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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