Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
