shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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