You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
