after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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