Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
