Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
