the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I still have a little drunk in my system
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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