I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
