she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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