doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
