we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
accomplished twins. life is a go
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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