Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
