it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
