I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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