I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
