I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
