I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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