One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just saw a hot homeless man
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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