I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
