i don't like sucking hair
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
