Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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