Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
