I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
