it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
