I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize