the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize