Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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