Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
