Your face is a jimmy john
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Success! We fucked roommates!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize