It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
high people should be assigned attendants
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize