Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
