my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize