I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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