you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
