I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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