I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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