fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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