I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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