I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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