I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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