When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
