im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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