My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize