it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize