They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
