areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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