She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
