Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
