that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
